Control
11 Jul 2023 - Richard Horridge
Life moves quickly, and we are now almost two years since the last post on this blog.
While many things have changed, many things are still the same. The theme for today's blog post is a theme that I keep encountering more and more as I get older (and hopefully wiser).
Our lives can seem chaotic and disorganised, and this is a reflection of the world at large. No matter how hard we strive ourselves the world on the whole is a complex, disparate mess. There is little we can do to effect change on such a large system.
I've found that my life makes a lot more sense when viewed in terms of the systems that we do have power over - the activities, hobbies, sports, relationships, clubs, workplaces that we interact with on a daily basis.
We will not become master of everything the world has to offer in our lifetimes, or even if we live 1000 times over. We will not become responsible for the planet as a whole. Even high profile leaders around the globe are woefully ignorant of all but a tiny fraction of its systems.
We make a choice on what to engage with, and our lives will be happier if we can discard as much of the dross as possible and choose to spend time on things that matter to us. This can be anything that we make it. We cannot truly know ahead of time, however, which things we can control and which things we choose to accept we have no control of.
Some examples:
- I care very deeply about the future of the planet, however I accept that it is very likely that as a species we are beyond hope due to to decisions and inaction that I was not in control of. However, I choose to exert control in the ways that I can - I cycle and take public transport whenever possible, I avoid unnecessary journeys, I avoid eating meat, I support political parties which have the most change of affecting change. This control is not absolute - I accept that I am not perfect any more so than a politician or political party will never be both ideologically 'pure' and get elected.
- Within dancesport, I have come to learn that the difference between an intermediate and an expert dancer is not in their technique but in their control of their body. When I practice now, I work on controlling and developing what I already have. However, one thing that I do not control is the journey that other dancers are travelling along. People I have danced against will progress differently to me, and I only have control over my practice and my decisions within the sport.
- My mental health is something that I have some control over. I can do activities that energise me as well as activities that sap my energy. However, I accept that I will not always know what these activities are, and that an activity that one day may be really energising may, on another day, drain my energy. While I know that there are many things that I will generally enjoy, and I can plan these into my life, there may be times that these things will cause me stress and anxiety, and I may not know this ahead of time.
- In the gym, I am now aiming to be master at doing pullups. However, I accept that this is not something I am naturally good at. I have control over how I approach this - I can work on negative repetitions, I can use a resistance band to train the whole movement, I can use a stronger resistance band to train my weakest part of the movement (getting my chest to the bar). I have control over how often I train while I have limited control over the many factors that might make it take longer or shorter to progress.
- There are lots of activities that I (used to) enjoy and that I'm sure I still enjoy. However, I have found I've drifted away from people and groups of people that I used to be a part of. I have control over the relationships that I maintain and those that slip away. However, I don't have much control over other people's choice to maintain a relationship with me - we have no control over other people's lives. I can choose to reach out to people who I enjoy spending time doing activities with and make plans to do more activities in the future with those people.
We have full control over how we choose to live our lives and almost no control over anything else. Whatever it is that we choose to do, we can recognise where we have control and where we don't, and with experience we will learn the difference.
