Energy and its Sources

20 Sep 2020 - Richard Horridge

2020-09-20 Sun 12:46

As I write this, we are once again under local lockdown. Regardless of the actual letter of the supposed law, a lockdown (for me) psychologically pushes me to hunker down and cut off social contact. The result of this is disastrous.

Until very recently, I would have said I was an extreme introvert. I had always thought that I was someone who didn't want or need any company from anyone else. The more I go through life, especially alone in a lockdown environment, the more I realise that this isn't true in the slightest and that I do, in fact, get a lot of energy from other people - which would make me an extrovert.

The lack of a long term partner, for which I have yearned for so long, is especially demoralising. I find myself really struggling to even function on a day-to-day basis without having people around. While I hope that my darkest days are behind me, the longer this goes on for the harder it will be - it is a topic that causes me great distress when I dwell on it. It is not something that I seem to have the strength to overcome alone - I am now quite used to reaching out to people for help - but it is such a waste, when I am alone, to have so many days like this.

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